April 2001
In the wee small hours of the morning of April 1st, Bernard came to bring pain with the news that had acquired demo tapes of David Gahan's solo musings (breaking & entering, armed robbery +bribery with sexual favours have not been ruled out), and like the damn stinking dirty fool he is, Simon fell head over heels for the April Fools Day prank.
Speaking of Australians, the land down under continued to get a thorough drubbing from Micah, Chris and others who posted news article after news article in which the country's illustrious history (as prison colony) became apparent through the actions of it's populace. On a more personal note, all the Australian girls I've ever met have all smelled really good, so they're okay in my book.
As usual on Shunt, there was lots of swearing but also this month, Recoil got played at strip clubs, Micah interviewed Pan Sonic, Pan Sonic rearranged Yolanda's innards and Ms. Floyd offered up her humble abode to the drunken Shuntian masses for this year's 'CharlieCon'... and by my count, Raven seems to be the only person attending. Smells like a party to me!
And my my my... aren't we all just pouring out of the woodwork to slam the new DM disc? With the possible exception of Nycole, a creature known only as 'OtherChris' and Michael LaVey, it seems like DM couldn't have done worse by Shunt fans if they had tried. The fact that Michael LaVey is a known drug addict and convicted felon may or may not have had any effect on his judgement.
While Kristina Moodie, in a marvellous display of idiocy (see Tongue Petals - March), apparently MISSED the on-sale date for her local Depeche Mode concert. Julie Finley and Kristina declared that they no longer wanted shy, sensitive, sweet fellas - they wanted men who were loud, brash, knew what they wanted and knew how to get it. Sam Kinison and Andrew Dice Clay immediately took notice and lined up to knock some of them boots.
Ole Shunty-wunty took a decidedly Jungian turn this month with Raven's violent, sexless dreams, Julie's "weird" dreams, Shane's dissection of the 'Dream On' video, Michael LaVey's pipe dreams, Pablo's wet dreams and FoxPuppy's hoop dreams all making an appearance. Not to mention that former Recoil collaborator and everyone's favourite spoken-word artist, Nicole Blackman, who has apparently been invading the dreams of Shunt members lately.
'In The Still Of The Night' and 'Here I Go Again' duelled as the list's favourite Whitesnake songs while Ben Williams and Mark Stryker, much to the delight of all, reaffirmed their deep and lasting friendship with posts of good tidings, well wishings and death threats. Ben continued by dolling out piping hot plates of pirated pop musings while Marks recommended the new Nick Cave LP. Raven and Mr. Stryker celebrated birthdays and FoxPuppy boffed a minor whilst distributing carcinogens to the oblivious coughing masses. FoxPuppy, I need one carton of 'cough' Parliament Reds <wheeze> - thanks.
Meanwhile, Jason B wooed the panties off drunken Canadian sluts with his heartstring-tugging rendition of 'Somebody'. Whether or not the copious amounts of Molson Ice our dear Canuck had consumed prevented him from closing the deal (as it were) and in his own words "unleashing hell" with the lassies, has not been made known.

Finally, the more than reasonable price of DM concert tickets was discussed as the 'Fan Of The Month' dry spell continues in April.

Quote Of The Month

- this month goes to Julie Finley, who invited Shunt's resident hot-panted hottie Ken into the sisterhood of women with:
"I've got a trial Lesbian Incentive packet that comes with your new 'Labia Express' card that includes: Friendship Tattoos, Birkenstocks, Sandalwood Oil & Lilith Fair tickets. AND it begins with a very low introductory rate of 6.9%."

Labia Express' - don't leave home without it.
Once again, reminding you that Tongue Petals is NOT simply for cynical comedic effect but is intended to be a guide; a bible if you will; a trusted friend you turn to for advice. Tongue Petals is the shoulder you can cry on...
Sebastian K.
Photography - Robert Mapplethorpe