TONGUE PETALS 
August 2001
THE CHOICE OF A NEW GENERATION...
Zina kicked off the month with a conversation regarding Michael Hutchence's unfortunate experiment with breath control and the relative merits of his solo work. Meanwhile, certain other members of Shunt's female population admitted to fantasizing about being stalked by either Alan or Douglas the Depraved.
Julie Finley and Zina carried on a pseudo-sexual discussion about feta cheese recipes which, depending on what floats your boat, may have been either amazingly arousing or just two girls talking about cheese. However, there is something to be said for the notion of a pair of resident Shunt hotties rubbing said flaky feta over each other's naked bodies while the theme from 'The Godfather' plays in the background. Bon Appetite!
Next up, the Shunt remix war. Micah, Shaun, Kim, Zander, Simon K., LaVey and Shane all chimed in on the idea of ganging up and remixing each other's music. Sounds interesting and I can't wait to hear the results. No word yet from the fellas on whether Laura Ahonen's faecal offering will be 'remixed' as it were.
FoxPuppy's disappearance was brought up and, with his lack of posts, underage girlfriend + Kentucky Fried Life all possibly attributable to his untimely demise, the only question remaining was: Where exactly is his body? ... it's not in my trunk so don't look there.
Raven, Lulu, Dina, Stephtron 3030 and other ladies on the list speculated on possible size and location of a second, third and potentially forth clitoris - if they could be had. There was talk of DM's appearance on MTV's twentieth birthday bash which in turn led to the discussion of boy bands up to and including The Beatles, Menudo (what have I done?), Depeche Mode, The Who, The Rolling Stones and The Jackson Five. But strangely, no mention of the old school favourites, New Kids On The Block. Please don't go girl...
Then the list went nice and dead for about 6 days which, while making my job easier, in effect skews the numbers in the monthly rundown (see below). Chris Escarcega did the Shuntian world a favour and created a Shunt Chat room which no one ever used - you bunch of ungrateful bastards. For future reference, the new Shunt Chat room is located at:

"telnet headcase.ath.cx 7227"
Marks discussed Nitzer Ebb B-sides and other rarefied releases while Laura Ahonen kicked off a thread in a stream of consciousness with KJ and Raven waxing goth and Dr. LaVey muttering something about a car crash. At month's end, varying elitist forms of coffee brewing were discussed, as was the new Curve album and the re-release of the 'Unsound Methods' sample file, also known as 'Apocalypse Now' -met with enthusiasm from the peanut gallery.

Despite Jenjen's worthy advice against doing the stats this month, I dove head first into the monthly rundown and was a little stricter than usual, actually requiring Alan or Recoil to be actively mentioned in each message for it to count as 'Recoil-content'. As a test, I decided to see how well the Recoil content faired without the lesbian assistance. As you will soon see... not so well methinks. Recoil was mentioned a paltry 47 times this month with lesbians clocking in at 69 messages (perfection attained) and even Menudo popping up 19 times. 47 out of 440 messages... a travesty.
Drum roll please!

Note that all proceeds from this months statistical rundown will go to charity...


Posts claiming nipple content, yet nary a nipple mentioned - 16
Posts claiming clitoral content yet, again, no clitori in sight - 19
Posts re: Michael Hutchence and the obligatory INXS lyrics war that followed - 29
Messages wherein the illegal pirating of software is implied - 7
Posts re: Douglas The Depraved and/or Nitzer Ebb - 20
Posts re: a potential remix war between Shunt music makers - 13
Reminders of a non-existent internet radio broadcast - 4
(thanks Micah!)
Posts dissing Tori Amos' cover of 'Enjoy The Silence' - 13
Messages from people attempting to abscond by sending an 'unsubscribe' e-mail to the list - 2
Messages berating the aforementioned unsubscribers - 9

Quote Of The Month.

goes to the always light and breezy Ben Williams, who summed up Shunt with the following glistening nugget of truth:
"Much like a mirage that appears to a weary soul lost in the desert, this message is your own mind's way of coping with the extreme loneliness and futility you feel from being stranded in this abyss of nothingness that is called Shunt."
As always,
Sebastian K.
Photography - Robert Mapplethorpe