TONGUE PETALS 
July 2001
THE SUMMERTIME BLUES
Pilaf kicked things off this month with some confusion over whether or not certain Nitzer Ebb lyrics contained veiled pastry references, while Nyc and Shaun offered their doughnut-free but, strangely enough, still cream-filled interpretations.
Certain Recoil fans of the sycophantic, stalkerly and overly familiar nature finally got what they'd been asking for since his inception, and that is of course, pictures of Lord Stanley Wilder in all his wrinkled glory.
Simon and Foxpuppy discussed the Young Gods while the new and improved editorials section got a good once over by one and all. If you think the web design work of Rich Berry is an awe-inspiring thing, you should taste his peanut butter and bologna fondue. Beyond praise.
One of many Agent Orange's, Nikita Bischoff duked it out with Benjamin 'Jahrvi' Williams in a grand fashion this month, drawing the bovine 'Mistress of Gothdom' Raven and, unwittingly, the innocent Dr. LaVey (for a change)into the ensuing slanderous filth. The flame war finally succeeded in dragging Joe Piekarski and Garth out of lurkdom to sling some doo at the Agent.
Talula and Dina carried on semi-private conversations on-list much to the delight of one and all to be sure, but the prospect of naughty art school shenanigans lightened the tone and brought a smile to the face of, well, me.
And sorry to all about last month's instalment being a little late. I went on holiday, didn't know it was not received at Shunt Central and never checked my e-mail to receive my messages from Herr Wilder - "Oi!, bastard!, where's me TP?"
Yann and Micah discussed cheeses of the world, specifically in their relation to pizza toppings. This led to a rather interesting thread prompting those with nothing better to do to come up with the most dag-nastiest combinations of cheese + various other foods while claiming to actually enjoy the abominations. Ack!
Michael LaVey let all the ladies know that he is now free from the binding chains of matrimony, with divorce proceedings in the works. The good Doctor also asked that we all refrain from bringing this up again. Oops.
Julie Finley and Shane Etter discussed music programs for the computer and Micah set up a Yahoogroup for useless links called, wait for it... 'Useless Links'. The links sent so far have been uniformly useless.
Laura Ahonen once again wooed the list with her sweet talk, this time regaling the list with an erotic masterpiece about tetanus shots. Does this girl know how to party or what? Meanwhile, Chris Escarcega, Marco Petracca and one Martin Gore all celebrated birthdays this month.
Jenjen Jordan was livin' la vida broka, as was KJ. Hardy G. let us all know about the new Aphex Twin disc which Micah promptly dissed. Zina was oddly aroused late in the month by Ben Williams' salacious suggestions on what to do with a spatula. Other list members were oddly aroused thinking about Zina arousing herself oddly with a spatula.
After months and months scouring the Earth in search of suitable booty (note the pleasing rhythmic nature and rhyming scheme of the previous sentence - it's a personal favourite), Ken got purple underwear in the mail from Zander and announced they were getting married. No word from Zander on whether or not he was made aware of these nuptials. My guess is Ken has him tied up in his basement with soiled gym socks while Ken runs around naked and rubs pistachio pudding on his nipples. The pudding would be on Zander's nipples, not Ken's - just to clarify. But, like I said, just a guess.

Now the moment you've all been waiting for - the July 2001 statistical rundown:


Posts by last month's 'Loudmouth', KJ - 48
Posts re: Stanley Wilder's cuteness + wrinkledness etc. - 25
Posts re: Doug McCarthy, Nitzer Ebb or bike shorts - 13
Posts on the discussion of cheese - 15
Comments on Michael LaVey's divorce - 3
(D'oh! Sorry Doc but Jen was right, it's a hell of a statistic! - SK)
Agent Orange flame war - 92
Abuses of the Yahoogroups polling system - 3
Appearances of the 'F' word - 220
Menudo - 1
(yes!)
Posts containing Alan/Recoil/Lesbian content - 330
out of 755


'Loudmouth Of The Month' goes to Nikita 'Agent Orange v2.5' Bischoff who's Pee Wee Herman-esque "I know you are but what am I?" banter with Ben Williams (not exactly an innocent in this regard) lasted about 80 posts too long to be worthwhile reading.

Quote Of The Month.

goes to Micah Stupak (who also gets props for finally mentioning 'Menudo!') for offering the following advice to an Uzi-wielding KJ on how to best "deal" with Greenpeace activists :
"It'd probably be more fun to club them with baby seals."
Dear God man!

Shocked, sickened and amused,
Sebastian K.
Photography - Robert Mapplethorpe