TONGUE PETALS 
July 1999
REVELATION
The old adage "a watched pot never boils" is the only way I can describe the postings of the Shuntese in July. Not one word about the upcoming Recoil album was uttered, as though speaking of it would delay it further. Either that or Shunt is a den of self-possessed paranoids, distraught over the impending millennium. Which, of course technically doesn't occur until 2001- but don't tell the Nostradamus-reading, sky-is-falling nutters on this list any of the facts. Millennial weirdness has set in full-force on Shunt....like a teenage girl on a Mode roadie with a backstage pass.
Because of the truly random occurrence of ideas and threads on Shunt this month, I will list the discussions in order, like a little story.......

It all began when Alexandra and Luca questioned the success of Courtney Love's stardom vehicle, Hole. Shuntese cried out enthusiastically that Courtney sucked, killed Kurt and probably messed up the schedule for the new Recoil album. Ok, so I made up the last part. I just wanted to say "Recoil". (Which is more than I can say for some people on Shunt).
Closer to the mark was Objet, who begged someone somewhere for more Toni Halliday recordings. KJ was curious about Geri Halliwell's solo excursion, 'Schizophonic'. Will it truly bite? Judging from what's going on right now on Shunt, Booby Spice's foray into singlehood mimics a Great White with the leg of an Australian surfer. Yes, Shunt kiddies, it bites.
Shane brought up Flood while Rich uploaded Alan's masterful and creepy theme music for the English documentary 'Secrets Of The Dead'. KJ went medical with an explanation of bursa while Raven went maniacal over how much she hates the sound of 'pesh'.
Chris detested goths and created the Shuntania chat line at http://www.anexa.com/shuntania. The chat there is...erm...well, if not Recoil-esque in nature, at least rather ribald.
The future was discussed until we were actually experiencing it. Niggels hated Americans and Christians while everyone loved boobs. Henrik wanted some Massive Attack gossip, Yellowox yearned for Daf info. and Conor explored the missionary position. Objet posted a cynical view of reincarnation and Niggels berated the Love Parade. A raging debate about Dave Matthews began and maybe has ended but I'm not sure.
The freedom of speech was abused like a 13 year old foster child and most Shuntese went loopy with rage. KJ sensibly left for a while, as the only rule on Shunt is to leave if you are offended by list content. Dr LaVey came back (no, not THE Dr LaVey) in the middle of a beliefs thread, to which Marks had some typical responses.
Lurker Taylor came out of the wack-off booth and on to the stage to spew about teeny bands while Raven and Dusty bonded through insomnia. Raven regained her senses long enough to ask people how they came across Recoil leading Taylor, for some reason, to go on about Depeche Mode without Alan.
Shane lamented the existence of Woodstock '99 and declared that Alan without Flood is better than Trent Reznor without Flood. Joe started a Recoil club on Yahoo,while Taylor pined for Raven poetically, much to the embarrassment of all.
Julie saw Woodstock and liked it some, Marks got excited about 'Alien Legacy' and Taylor tried to corrupt little Marit while spewing a whole hell of a lot about nothing. Maddie revealed the merits of open relationships while Dr LaVey regretted the existence of human life, and Marks hated everybody.
WOW! What a happy little bunch we are in the suffocating heat of July, eh? I only hope next month's 'Shunt Sleep-over' joviality brings some fun and Recoil-talk back to our unsavoury little list, hrm?

Due to the dearth of witty commentary or interesting talk this July, I have no Quote Of The Month - you've all let me down - so I've got a challenge for you sordid, grumpy lot and any newcomers to our hopefully improved list:
Say something in the coming month that's unbelievably snappy and mind-numbingly insightful that's less than two standard lines long or I will come to your homes and make you wax my back hair. I'm serious. My people don't kid about these things.
Until next month, you sweaty grouches, you've been tongued by:
Mike Daniella
Photography - Robert Mapplethorpe
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